Some things even if misunderstandings are cleared, it's useless, b'cuz the harm is already made. It will be a prick in the chambers of the hearts and we can no longer get along like we used to...
I am jealous bah and I hate myself.
HATE myself for being lazy.
HATE myself for having no great interest in anything.
HATE myself for having no aims or goals in life.
HATE myself for not being understanding.
HATE myself for procrastinating.
HATE myself for not being able to speak well.
HATE myself for not knowing how to console people.
HATE myself for being so slow in reacting.
HATE myself for being not determined to swim properly.
HATE myself for not knowing anything about branded.
HATE myself for not willing to spend money on branded.
HATE myself for having no common topics to talk to ppl.
HATE myself for not knowing how to chat but only lame.
HATE myself for being such a bad friend.
Sbdy once said that a gd point to learn from me is that I try to make friends with everybody, forgetting and accepting those nasty but maybe accidental deeds that they may have done. That's because I feel that making foes with them, hating or disliking is painful and is not in favour of GOD's eyes.
BUT BUT BUT...
this character of mine is not necessarily good because when u have too much friends, you cannot have best of all the worlds.
Dates with friends may clash.
Some friends may not like your other friends.
Sometimes when u wanna build up better frenships with others, you feel restricted as you will be neglecting your besties, especially when they are in contact with those frens as much as you but they just dun wanna bond because they only prefer besties. So your besties get closer but u are like far apart with them. And it's just hurting to see that your besties no longer needs you when u need them.
I have no reason to ask a friend to put me as her priority when I am such a bad friend, idiot & elohssa. I dunno if my frens will uds how I feel cause I never show it before and always camouflaged my emotions with smiles and lameness, but I am so tired of being myself and pretends that I am not hurt so as to reduce conflicts. I dun want to lose any friends in my life, especially losing the favour of any of my besties. But I'm tired.
